so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
