I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
