the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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