i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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