i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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