if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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