Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
