you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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