omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
