We're facebook friends in real life
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
