GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
