she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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