Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
