i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
