He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
