how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
