u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
