I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
