I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
