During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
