well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
