i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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