we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
