yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
