i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
