True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
