the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
