Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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