She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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