dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
