just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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