Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
