FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
