I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
