I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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