Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
