You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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