saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
