The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
