Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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