I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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