coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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