I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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