I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
