Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
