would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I have feelings that need drinking.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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