When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
