i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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