I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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