ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
