I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
