if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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