I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
