So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
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