so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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