You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
