my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
